Don’t disturb the beast, the temperamental goat, the snail,
While he’s feeding on the rose,
Stay frozen compromise,
What I will, I am…
Bend around the wind,
Silently blown about again,
I’m treading so soft and lightly,
Compromising my will, I am…
I am, I will, so no longer
Will I lay down, play dead,
Play your doe,
In the headlights,
Locked down and terrified,
Your deer in the headlights,
Shot down and horrified,
When push comes to pull,
Comes to shove,
Comes to step around,
This self-destructive dance,
That never would’ve mattered,
Until I rose, I roared aloud here,
I will, I am…
I am,
I will,
So no longer,
Will I,
Lay down,
Play dead,
Play this,
Knee down,
Gunshy,
Martyr,
Pitiful,
I rose,
I roared,
I will,
I am….
Within the words above I find a certain level of comfort. It seems that in this song the notion that we are able to endure precludes itself. I found that my level of endurance, tolerance, and patience, with regards to the lies, untruths, and injustices of another is finite and is not everlasting as I previously thought it was. It seems that, just as in the words above, there came a point in which “Compromising my will” was just no longer possible and as such, “I rose, I roared aloud here!… So no longer, will I lay down, play dead, play this.” I did whatever I deemed necessary to stop the “Self-destructive dance” that was indeed occurring. I was not able to focus on anything short of what the end outcome would be. My approach wrong, perhaps… Is the outcome what was most necessary, yes, without doubt, and in the same, there is an amount of remorse that penetrates me. Though not enough to cause regret, just enough to, on occasion, cause my spine to tingle, my heart to race, my thought process reduced to what might have been. Though after the abundance of effort and time on my part put forth, it seems that, inherently, people are incapable of change.
We are all faced with challenges, some as simple as getting out of bed, some unimaginable. In the end, we make our decisions based on the rules we have set for our lives, the guidelines to which we tailor our existence. Sometimes, our emotions interfere with a logic that is evident and ultimately undeniable. Perhaps if we could take the emotional variable out of the equation, the decisions we must make would be a great deal easier, but nobody ever said the easy choice was always the right choice, and as I have found, it rarely is.
I have made my bed, and I am fully prepared to sleep in it, and a certain level of confidence burns through me, that I will rest well, and may you also, with all of your regrets and remorse for what you have done to those around you, and what you will continue to do. Only you know the extent to which your behaviors reach, and the irreparable damage you have caused. May you sleep well indeed Chandra.
Since this post was built around a “quote” in the song above, there will be no quote today.
, because I actually had an interview with a company for a helpdesk position troubleshooting Apple products. I feel extremely confident that I will get the position.
